I discovered a book that had the word "adopted" in it, so I had to bring it home and check it out. I wanted to go over it before reading it to my daughter, just to make sure the overall message was positive.
The book is "It's Okay to Be Different" by Todd Parr, published by Little Brown and Company. It's clear the author is trying to show children that there's nothing wrong with being different. Each page has one sentence with a picture and the messages are quite positive, such as "It's okay to talk about your feelings." "It's okay to say NO to bad things." or "It's okay to be proud of yourself." The book is also peppered with people with disablilities such as a blind lady with a seeing eye dog, "It's okay to need some help," or a boy in a wheelchair, "It's okay to have wheels." The tone is gentle and has a sense of humour as well, "It's okay to eat macaroni and cheese in the bathtub."
On the whole the book is very positive and inclusive. "It's okay to have different Moms. It's okay to have different Dads." And in the middle of the book, "It's okay to be adopted." My concern is that being adopted in this book is in the same group as having a disability, and is considered being odd/different. Being adopted is different, so is my concern my own issue, or does this book end up sending a negative message about adoption even though it's trying to be positive?
Part of my reluctance to share this book with my eldest daughter( who is currently under the age of 5) comes from a fundamentally different approach that my husband and myself are taking with our language choices when explaining adoption to my older daughter (explaining it all to my youngest will come when she's a little older). We've chosen to focus on our family as an adoptive family. We will not use the phrase, "She's adopted" instead we say "We are an adoptive family, and she is our daughter." If I were adopted, I think I would feel much more comfortable with the second choice of language.
To focus on our family, sends the message that we are all in this together, no matter what. Being adopted is not her (our daughter's) problem, it is part of the story of how our family came together. I also say, "I am an adoptive mother and she is my daughter." to take the "spotlight" off of the child, and place it on to myself. I don't want her to feel different, special is fine, but different nevers feels good, no matter how you try to rationalize it. I want her to know that our family came together in a different way, and that there are many different kinds of families. That way we can feel different together, instead of her feeling different, alone.
This rant is just a reminder to not assume that any book/article/t-shirt, etc. that is related to adoption will send the right message to your kids. By "right" message, I only mean the message you intend to send them about how you feel (and possibly they feel) about being in an adoptive family. How do you want(/hope) your kids to feel about being adopted?
The book is "It's Okay to Be Different" by Todd Parr, published by Little Brown and Company. It's clear the author is trying to show children that there's nothing wrong with being different. Each page has one sentence with a picture and the messages are quite positive, such as "It's okay to talk about your feelings." "It's okay to say NO to bad things." or "It's okay to be proud of yourself." The book is also peppered with people with disablilities such as a blind lady with a seeing eye dog, "It's okay to need some help," or a boy in a wheelchair, "It's okay to have wheels." The tone is gentle and has a sense of humour as well, "It's okay to eat macaroni and cheese in the bathtub."
On the whole the book is very positive and inclusive. "It's okay to have different Moms. It's okay to have different Dads." And in the middle of the book, "It's okay to be adopted." My concern is that being adopted in this book is in the same group as having a disability, and is considered being odd/different. Being adopted is different, so is my concern my own issue, or does this book end up sending a negative message about adoption even though it's trying to be positive?
Part of my reluctance to share this book with my eldest daughter( who is currently under the age of 5) comes from a fundamentally different approach that my husband and myself are taking with our language choices when explaining adoption to my older daughter (explaining it all to my youngest will come when she's a little older). We've chosen to focus on our family as an adoptive family. We will not use the phrase, "She's adopted" instead we say "We are an adoptive family, and she is our daughter." If I were adopted, I think I would feel much more comfortable with the second choice of language.
To focus on our family, sends the message that we are all in this together, no matter what. Being adopted is not her (our daughter's) problem, it is part of the story of how our family came together. I also say, "I am an adoptive mother and she is my daughter." to take the "spotlight" off of the child, and place it on to myself. I don't want her to feel different, special is fine, but different nevers feels good, no matter how you try to rationalize it. I want her to know that our family came together in a different way, and that there are many different kinds of families. That way we can feel different together, instead of her feeling different, alone.
This rant is just a reminder to not assume that any book/article/t-shirt, etc. that is related to adoption will send the right message to your kids. By "right" message, I only mean the message you intend to send them about how you feel (and possibly they feel) about being in an adoptive family. How do you want(/hope) your kids to feel about being adopted?
3 comments:
Whoa, I never thought about language like that, saying we are an 'adoptive family' makes a lot of sense to me. Thanks!
I always avoid "adopted child" type language.
I have found that referring to the adoption as the evnt that formed our family is the best way.
My daughter IS not ADOPTED. However, she WAS adopted.
"This is my daughter, we adopted her when she was xyz yrs/mo/days old."
....is an appropriate way to introduce the subject.
I like your suggestion to talk about adoption in the past tense. It is more accurate and a more respectful choice of language. Thanks!
Post a Comment