I've been reading stories about adoption experiences, particularly adoptees who are angry and bitter. I don't understand their pain. Nor do they understand mine. These are the trials of life. Feeling as though one is displaced without roots, feeling rejected, asking why me. It's not fair. Why? I used to wonder why was I not allowed to experience the joys of pregnancy. Sometimes I still wonder, will my daughter have a better relationship with her birthmother than she does with me? Why can't it be easy. Why can't it be simple. Why can't it be better than it is.
Because these are the trials of life. These are the bumps in the road that we all live with in these days of ours. Why stop asking why, with adoption? Why do some people get cancer or Aids or suddenly die of a heart attack? Why are some involved in a tragic accident leaving them paralyzed? Why are children abducted and sold into slavery? Why did the tsunami kill so many people and leave others half-dead, homeless and hungry? Millions of people.
Why?
Is anyone immune? No. Some coast through pretty well, for awhile if they're lucky, but the bumps come and sometimes they're so big, you'll feel displaced for awhile.
What we're left with is, how do we choose to react to the trials of life. Anger can lead to action, which can be helpful. Peace, another choice. What is our experience of life through these trials? Does worrying help? Does resentment help? How do you choose to live your life? Does it mean anything? What gives your life meaning, and does it also give you joy?
Whatever your calling, whatever your trial, my hope is that you find a space created by you and just for you, that you can call your own and you can claim your peace and joy or whatever other emotion helps you feel settled, and resolute, amidst the trials of life.
4 comments:
I am an adopted person, and I love my adopted parents, but also found my birth family. I don't think it makes sense until your adopted children are old enough to understand what happened to them. I found that a piece of me was missing until I did the search. I am 50 years old now. I struggled with infertility also. I don't think you should worry about your adopted children being closer to their birth parents than to you. I still can't call my birth mother "Mom." The one who raised me, and fed me and clothed me is the person I will always call Mom. Read Lost and Found by Kate St. Vincent Vogel for a less bitter reunion story.
Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate hearing from those who were adopted and place great weight in their advice when it comes to choosing how to handle various adoption related topics with my kids. All the best to you and yours!
I placed my baby for adoption in 2007. i got to pick the family, and the family was very open and kind. three years later, bills are still being returned (denied) by caresource, due to the fact that i was covered by my father's insurance at the time of pregnancy. since my father didn't know i was pregnant, i couldn't use his insurance. the large time frame between discovering these bills and asking the adoption network to pay has to do with my irresponsibility. but the adoption network law center won't pay. i signed a waver saying bills after 6 months won't be payed. i have no baby and $12,000+ in medical bills that i have to pay. the adoption network sits on gold and laughs as i weep.
I'm so sorry to hear that there are outstanding medical bills. It makes me very sad that there is no universal health care coverage in the United States. In Canada, that would never happen, because medical coverage is subsidized by the government. If I were you, I would continue to contact CareSource and explain that you were very emotional at the time. I assure you, no one is laughing, you were very courageous to make an adoption plan. You made a plan to find a loving home for your biological child and everyone will respect you for that. Bless you!
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