Motherhood: Priority on Possession or Being?

This topic applies to fatherhood as well, but since I'm a mom, I'll focus on motherhood.

Motherhood means different things to different people. For some it's HAVING children, for others it's BEING a mother. I find this distinction interesting because I care about kids. I care about their experience of life, I care about their health, and their happiness. I care about their security and their safety. I think all children deserve respect and should be able to live in a safe environment. Who has the most control over all of these fundamental factors? Mothers.

In the most general of categories, consider two types of mothers. The mothers who like HAVING children and the mothers who throughly enjoy BEING a mother. The differences are colossal.

Mothers whose priority is having children, treat children like possessions, and are fundamentally selfish. They only look to children to get something back. To get love, to get attention, to get respect, to feel complete, to belong, to 'feel normal.' Children are basically dolls in their eyes, not real people.

On the other hand, mothers who truly love BEING mothers, understand the complexity of guiding a person through to adulthood and rise to the challenge. A mother's approach sets the tone in a home, and can affect how secure a child feels in taking risks when they're out in the world. Children know when someone is being authentic with them and they know by the tone what the underlying message is. A child knows when they are truly loved and accepted for who they are. Part of being a mother is accepting your children for who they are and who they are not.

I think it's healthy to pause from time to time and think about what kind of mother I'm being and is it the kind of mother I want to be. I've realized that it's not any specific thing that I do or say to my girls, it's how I'm being in the background (that influences specific behaviours) that's important. How do my girls feel, when they think of me? How do your children feel when they think of you? Balance in the family is important, so I don't believe that children should be made to feel they walk on water or can do no wrong. It's important children understand that moms (and dads) have feelings and needs too. But these children are our next generation. They are our future citizens, why not try to enhance their experience, so that when they are parents they'll do the same for their children.

Whether you are a mother, or hoping to be one. Consider your priorities. Do you want to give love, or are you looking for love? The road of parenthood is incredibly bumpy, enjoy the smooth sections, because the bumps just keep coming. Be honest with yourself. Are you registering your child for a sport because you want to make friends, or are you doing it because your child is genuinely interested?

In the world of motherhood, it's not realistic to permanently place a person in one category or the other. We all have moments when we switch 'teams.' The important question is, who am I/are you being most of the time. Do you treat your child like a possession or like a person who's learning as she goes?

Live without regret. Be the mother you want to be, now.