Who are you being? Do your kids feel like you understand them? Do they feel you get who they are? As an adoptive mom, I am much more aware of who my daughter(s) are and who they are not. I don't hold any illusions that they are like me. They are, who they are. This can still prove to be challenging when personalities are so different, sometimes it's difficult to understand where the other person is coming from.
I still practice being completely immersed in the moment. I notice a real difference in my kids when I am being present. They are more calm, and seem to be more at peace. They don't fight, and seem to be more happy. Living life in the present moment, knowing it's the only time you truly have is the world our children live in. They don't know any different. As parents, when we join them, we acknowledge who they are and where they're at in that moment. The result is amazing. Such an experience creates a true connection, a wonderful way to be. Since a relationship is the history of interactions with a person, the more of these true connections, the better.
2 comments:
I have been browsing adoption websites because we will soon be placed with a baby when the mother gives birth in March. We are both frightened and excited and above all hoping for the best. We have talked to the birth mom on the phone and she seems thoughtful, caring and hopeful, too. But we've recently found out she's in an abusive relationship, got beat up and now her bf is in jail where it seems he will stay. I am feeling very conflicted, sad and helpless. It's hard to find a safe person to talk with since I don't want to talk to friends about the baby's birth story knowing it is his story and not theirs. I don't want them having any preconceived notions about the place the child is coming from. But mostly I just feel very conflicted about my role as the waiting adoptive parent and very helpless about keeping this woman safe from harm. I appreciated reading your thoughts on your site. It helps me to remember that there is a better life on the other side of adoption.
Hang in there! Waiting for placement is such an emotional roller coaster, I remember it well. I remember that I forced myself to not be swallowed up by my thoughts, because the worry can consume you if you let it. Don't let it, acknowledge what you can and can't do and trust that all will work out. Feeling out of control is one of the toughest aspects of the adoption process. I know how hard it is to balance what you tell people about the birth parents story as well. If you need someone to "talk" to, you can email me at "happyhomecoming@shaw.ca" I'm a very private person and of course respect other's right to privacy as well. Take it day by day, it will work out, it may be bumpy sometimes, or not quite work out the way you expected it would, but it will work out!
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