Thursday, May 22, 2008

Breastfeeding and Adoption


I found it very difficult to find information on breastfeeding as an adoptive mom. I see there is more information available on the internet now, but there wasn't very much 4 years ago when I looked! I found a book, "Breastfeeding the Adopted Baby" by Debra Peterson and the book was very encouraging. The book reccommended using a "Supplemental Nursing Device" (I purchased a Medela SNS). I was quite excited to try this, as I was very curious to find out what it was like to breastfeed and had also noticed the copious amounts of information saying "breast is best."

Armed with both the book and the SNS I gave it a try and another try and another. To be honest, I found the process quite frustrating. Keep in mind, first of all that your baby is crying because she/he is hungry. So my daughter was crying in the background while I first heated the formula and then strapped on all the gear for the SNS. The SNS includes a bottle that hangs upside down around your neck and two small tubes, that are each taped in appropriate locations- you know what I mean. At the same time I was trying to figure out how to encourage my little one to latch, since she was already quite happy with her bottle.

I ended up calling my local adoption association and asked them if it really is possible to do this. They referred me to an adoptive mom who is a nurse. She described the tremendous amount of effort she put into breastfeeding her child, who is adopted. After 3 months of using the SNS for every feeding, and using a breast pump in between, she still did not produce any of her own milk. She also mentioned her concern with ensuring the tubes and SNS were properly sterilized after each feeding. It's easy for the tiny tubes to become blocked if there's the slightest lump in the formula. All in all, the conversation was not encouraging.

I also found out that you would need your doctor to prescribe a hormonal supplement to encourage milk production. I knew that using a breast pump many times daily was also supposed to stimulate milk production, and this I did not do. I thought I'd take it one step at a time and use the SNS first to see if that worked well, before moving into breast pump and hormone supplement territory.

I've concluded that it's relatively easy to stimulate milk production if you have breastfed in the past. Your body already knows what to do, so to speak. Since I've never been pregnant before and certainly never breastfed, I would consider it a miracle if my body somehow started producing milk.

I spoke with my doctor about the breast being best propaganda and she said the only thing missing from formula is human antibodies. So there's a chance that a formula fed baby will get sick more often. You may have to be more careful by making sure people who are sick with a cold, etc. don't come too close, but there is no difference nutritionally.

I'm sure bonding is more easily facilitated when breastfeeding is possible. There are other ways to encourage bonding with a child who is adopted and breastfeeding doesn't necessarily have to be involved. I snuggled with my little one and made sure we had some skin to skin contact as often as we could. I would usually do this during the night feedings, it was a special time for both of us. I also bathed with her in the bath tub for some skin to skin contact as well. I can't imagine being anymore bonded to a child than I am to both of my girls. I would do anything for them.

I think it's very important to always hold your baby while they drink from a bottle, so you can cuddle and get to know each other. I've seen biological kids whose bottles have been propped, so there won't be any bonding happening there.

Attempting to breastfeed a child who is adopted is a very personal decision. Don't feel guilty if you can't breastfeed. Babies have survived on formula for the past 50 years, your's will too. Consider your goals. Do you want to encourage bonding or do you want to stimulate milk production? Remember that so long as your child has love and nutrition (ie. formula) that's all he/she really needs.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Adoptive Wrinkles

I believe I mentioned in an earlier post that I've kept this blog anonymous so that I can be more honest and open about my experience as an adoptive mom. This post is a prime example of that. I'm a private person and wouldn't normally tell the world about occurrences in my private life, but I'm hoping that "talking" about it will help other adoptive families.

Let me start off by saying my mother is a kind hearted person who loves children. She would never intend to harm a child or especially another family member. But in the world of adoption, things can sometimes be confusing, and a little wrinkley. My mother has a wonderful and I'm not exaggerating, she does have a wonderful bond with my girls. They are lucky to have a grandma like her who makes it clear that she loves spending time with them.

However, I noticed that when she was introducing us, as a family, she would mention the nature of my relationship, and my husband's relationship to her, but when it came to my daughter she'd just say her name, with no relationship attached. She'd say "This is my daughter and son-in-law and then just say my daughter's name." I know this "wrinkle" was not intentional, it caught my mother off-guard. She likely hadn't given introductions much thought.

After this happened a second time, I spoke with my mother and asked her if she feels like a grandma to my daughter. Of course she said she did, so I asked her to introduce my daughter as her granddaughter. I will not tell a lie, I was upset. It was another one of those "hiccups" that come up with an adoptive family that no one is necessarily prepared for when it happens.

But reason eventually comes back into focus and I realized it wasn't so bad, it wasn't intentional. After that, my mom made a point of choosing birthday cards, etc. to her granddaughter. She hasn't introduced us for awhile, so I haven't been able to see how she would introduce my daughter these days. It was very important to me to "iron out" wrinkles such as this before my daughter was old enough to pick up the subtle difference herself.

Again, perspective is key. There are biological families who have members with special needs and I'm sure things come up among family members as well. Even without special needs in the family, differences are picked up and sometimes highlighted. Just being shy in an extroverted family or short in a tall family, is enough to make one feel set apart.

The key to reducing wrinkles is to maintain boundaries of respect and keep communication lines open. There will always be some wrinkles, but they're just a little bumpy, and are by no means roadblocks. Just keep on keep'n on!