Emotions when Adopting

Both of my girls were under 1 month old when my husband and I picked them up from the hospital. They were both adopted locally and we feel very fortunate that we adopted them so young.

My eldest daughter was 2.5 yrs old when we adopted my youngest daughter. What took me by surprise was how adopting my second daughter was more emotionally draining for both me and my husband than first time around. It could be that since in vitro didn't work we had recently dealt with the issues of loss, with our first daughter. From the instant we saw her in the hospital, it felt so magical- we both definitely felt like it was meant to be. We were elated. I'm not sure if anyone has experienced this, but with our second adoption, wave after wave of painful emotions came back again. Don't get me wrong, we were thrilled to adopt for a second time and our second daughter was so sweet, she really went easy on us, as far as newborns go. But, I'm not a person to sweep feelings under the carpet, I prefer to deal with them head on, so these powerfully sad emotions caught me off guard.

I feel I need to say that never at any time have I been disappointed in either of my daughters. I continue to feel so blessed to be their mom. I think they are both amazing girls and I'm learning so much from them- I hope they're learning something from me too! I can say that I'm so thankful my second daughter was so patient with us adapting from one child to two. She's a dream, a sweet, sweet dream.

I was also surprised that these emotions took several months to subside. I was grieving the loss of my privacy. I was grieving the loss of simplicity. I was grieving a loss of freedom, that we had to rely on social workers (who were sometimes quite grumpy) and an agency to make our family grow, when I'd rather not have anything to do with them. I didn't ask for this. All I wanted was a family, how did it get so complicated? I was working through accepting all of that.

I'm happy to say I'm in a much better place now. Reminding myself, how lucky I am to be a mom, helps. Thinking of my girls' smiling faces helps tremendously. As I look around the world, it's not a perfect place and lots of terrible things happen to good people. If this is as good as it gets, it's good enough for me. I will gladly "buckle up" for the ride of being an adoptive mother. If I'm somehow being called to be an ambassador for adoption, then so be it.