Relationships are complicated and adoption adds another layer of complication. Deciding whether or not to meet your biological mother is a HUGE decision. It's a decision that should not be taken lightly and should be thoroughly thought through.
So many assumptions can creep into adoptive relationships. You can assume that a meeting with a biological mother will be enlightening, illuminating and very positive. You can assume it will be emotionally overwhelming or a generally negative experience. Assumptions must be put aside. There are too many unknown factors. These are the "red herrings" of adoption.
All I know is, if I were adopted, I would feel that since it was decided that I have a different family, a non-biological family, without my input, I would want to (attempt to) control the remainder of the process. Whether I want to contact my biological relatives or not, should be my decision, with no judgements from anyone, especially members of my family. It's my history, I should be able to decide.
I also know that if I decided to meet my biological relatives, I can assume nothing. I would imagine, that I would want to be as neutral as possible. I'd be curious to see someone who looked like me and see how much we had in common because of our shared DNA. But in the back of my mind, I would never assume that we would have an amazing connection the first time we meet. I would never assume that I would even -like- my biological mother. She could just as easily be a successful business executive or a janitor. She is a completely different person from my (adoptive) mother, so I can't assume that she'd be like my adoptive mom but look like me as well.
Once I met my biological family members, I couldn't erase the experience. What are the chances they are eager to meet me? Is there any reason why they wouldn't want to meet the child they made an adoption plan for, so many years ago? Remember, that meeting the child they made an adoption plan for, may remind them of a failed relationship and of a time in their life when they were struggling. Have they overcome? Haven't they overcome? None of this would be a reflection on me and who I am, but rather is more about the biological mother and her situation, then and now.
I know I'd have alot of questions. I'd want alot of answers. Be wary of expectations that travel with assumptions. Take one step at a time, don't be afraid to let everyone know that you are entitled to start and stop contact as you see fit. It's not about the parents anymore, biological or adoptive. It's about those who are adopted, reclaiming the other part of their story, if they choose to.
